I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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