I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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