dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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