don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
