Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
