I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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