): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
