Pants 0. Shit 1.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
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It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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