I hate your face
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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