Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
