ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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