The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
