So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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