If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
