Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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