It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
