I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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