They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
