Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
