My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize