I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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