mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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