If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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