He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
