the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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