If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
