SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
