They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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