this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
