I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
