What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
