The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
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