is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
