Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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