I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
