oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
