I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
