I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
