He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
