Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
