my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
