my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
