Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
