YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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