Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
