My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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