Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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