is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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