Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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