I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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