Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
