my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think your dad took our porno
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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