I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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