I could have mohawked her pubes.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize