my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
