6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
