Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls should come with a carfax report
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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