but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
