You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
