Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
