I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
