I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
