so that wasnt chicken after all
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
