If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
