Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
