very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
birth control should be required to get into college
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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