I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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