If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Found the puke drawer
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
