that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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