whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
