The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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