Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
