I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
