Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
