I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
