Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
